Life After
by cashewdani
Summary: Spike's been taking care of Dawn since Buffy's death (WIP)
1. Chapter 1

Title: Life After  
  
Author: Danielle  
  
E-mail: PrincessCashew@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: Up and through The Gift, I know it already premiered all over.  
  
Summary: Since Buffy's death, Spike has been taking care of Dawn. Willow had some news that sent the gang to LA, and while they're there Willow does a spell to get some new information. What will this information mean?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and whoever has rights to these people in court. Do not sue me, I'm poor anyway.  
  
Feedback: I would love it if you could send it on to PrincessCashew@hotmail.com  
  
Distribution: Whoever wants it can have it, just e-mail me first so I can come and visit.  
  
She was smiling at me. A blue sweater on and a pair of white pants, her hair pulled up in some intricate twist, she stood by a table her gaze fixated upon my arrival. She was there, and she was smiling at me. She was laughing and dancing around, her small hips shaking to the music. She looked so happy and that strange ache that had lived inside of me was suddenly gone. Everything was right again. She spun around while she danced, and stopped facing the other way. I wondered if she was still smiling.  
  
I didn't think she had ever smiled at me. The more I thought about it, I knew that she never had. She faced me again, but it wasn't her. The eyes of the girl who was smiling at me were cold and dull. It was then that I remembered she was dead.  
  
I awoke that afternoon again, alone, with tear tracks on my face. I liked it better when I forgot, when I couldn't remember that she had thrown herself off a tower to save the rest of the world. A world that would never mourn her, never miss having her in it, probably never even know what she had done for it. But I was there for all that. All the mourning, missing and knowing that went with the new world she had created when she left.  
  
I needed a smoke. And a drink too, a hard one to burn my throat on the way down. But I couldn't have either. I was a bad enough influence without my vices.  
  
A door slammed upstairs, and that was the first time I noticed that it was already dark. I'd slept the day away. I wanted to laugh when I thought it, realizing that was when I was supposed to sleep, but when I tried, it felt more like I was going to throw up. It wasn't the time for laughing, not yet.  
  
I heard someone trying to creep down the stairs very quietly, but the planks were old and creaked when any pressure was applied. "Little Bit, I'm up. You don't have to try to be quiet."  
  
She bounded the rest of the way, and flipped the light switch at the bottom. "I was wondering what was taking you so long." She came and sat next to me on the sofa while her right hand reached out to touch the wet lines on my face. "Are you alright?"  
  
I pulled away from her very quickly, "Bad dream." I muttered moving towards the stairs. I was the grown-up, hell I was 126 years old, I wasn't supposed to let her know that I was just as bloody scared as she was. "Come on, I'll make dinner." I began to make my way upstairs.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Yes luv?" I turned to face her again and her eyes looked glazed over. She was trying so hard not to cry again.  
  
"I wake up like that a lot of nights too." She didn't think I knew, didn't think I could hear her, while I sat on the back porch rocking back and forth on the steps, my fingers itching to hold a fag. I was always too scared to go up and make sure she was all right; afraid she wouldn't want my help. I couldn't lose her, not after what I had promised to her sister. "How does pasta sound?" she asked, wiping her eyes.  
  
"Fine Niblet. Absolutely fine." 


	2. Chapter 2

I was entirely soaked with water all over my chest and my arms were making very lovely puddles on the linoleum. And there was still an entire sink of dishes that needed to be done. I was very tempted to ask Dawn for her help with the rest, but she had cooked that night, and it was only fair. Plus she'd probably laugh if she came down now.  
  
Her radio was blaring upstairs, some terrific crap that she considered music, basically a lot of pretty looking young things who sang about puppies and first loves and all that bullshit. I hated her music, but she hated mine more. She was always telling me it was too dark. I always asked her what she expected.  
  
I abandoned the dishes; positive we had enough for breakfast the next morning. I threw a packet of blood into the microwave and went downstairs to change. I'd have to ask Dawn to do some wash for me. It would probably mean that we'd be renting another movie of her choice that weekend.  
  
From the basement, I heard someone pounding on the front door. I bolted up the stairs, terrified that it would be someone looking for Buffy. Her long lost father coming to take Dawn away. It surprised me a lot of the time how much I had begun to care about people beside myself. But that was one of my biggest fears, losing my last tie to Buffy. It was more than that too though; I was afraid of losing Dawn, just because I had grown to love her.  
  
I flung the door open to a disheveled Willow who was holding a large tan book under her arm. Her eyes were frantic, and her heart was pounding in her chest. "Spike, you have to hear this, it's about Buffy." 


	3. Chapter 3

Dawn had come downstairs and her eyes brightened at Willow's appearance and the mention of her sister. "Willow, what is it? What did you find?"  
  
"Dawn go upstairs." I said to her, my gaze not leaving Willow.  
  
"But Spike, it's about..."  
  
"Dawn, I said go upstairs." My voice was shaky, but I think she saw that my eyes were firm when I looked at her and my tone cold. She headed back up the stairs, and very deliberately lowered the radio. "Why don't we go into the kitchen?"  
  
Red followed me there with deliberate steps. I knew she hadn't been sleeping. She didn't even bother to come home some nights, and Tara would call looking for her. She would never really say where she was all that time, would just appear out of the blue wearing the same clothes she had left in two days ago and holding a Styrofoam cup of coffee. Black, and usually cold.  
  
"So what did you find Red?" I asked her, drying my hands on a towel. I was trying not to let my voice wobble too much as I spoke, but this was the kind of news I had waited for since the night Buffy had died, something that could offer me a little hope that she might return.  
  
"It was in this book." She laid the mildewed volume on the tabletop, flipping through the pages rather slowly, the only noise the rustling of the ancient parchment.  
  
"Red, what was in the book? You have to tell me what you found." I was getting angry with her, and knew that if she didn't start speaking soon, the little chip in my head would start sending it's bloody shocks for the evil thoughts I had about her.  
  
"Oh, of course. It's a prophecy. It says that Buffy..." The microwave began to beep as soon as Buffy's name had left her lips, an empty hollow sound.  
  
"Bloody hell." I said under my breath, smashing my fist onto the top of the machine. The noise gurgled out, and I was sure that I had broken it. Warm blood wasn't the top thought in my mind now.  
  
"It says that Buffy will rise again."  
  
"What do you mean? How do you know that's what the prophecy is saying?"  
  
"It says, and I quote, 'The slayer who will rise twice'. Buffy died once before at the hands of the Master, Spike. She rose once before. This must mean that it will happen again."  
  
My mind was not processing the information at all. "She's died before? Why didn't we just do the same thing that you blokes did the last time it happened?"  
  
"Xander gave her CPR before, and she was resuscitated. There was no way that could have worked this time."  
  
"What does the rest of the prophecy say, does it tell us what he have to do? Cause I would bloody well like to get a start on it." This was a spark, a little flicker of light in the darkness that had been my existence for what seemed like an eternity.  
  
"'The slayer who will rise twice' and then umm" her voice dropped to that of a whisper and she spoke very quickly "'will use fatherly love to bring forth two children of light and dark who will inherit their parent's strengths.'"  
  
"Wait, wait, wait Red, did you just say what I think you said?"  
  
Willow looked more awake than she had in a long time. Her eyes were bright and her voice had become a little bubbly and less monotone. "Buffy will rise at some point, to have children. This is everything that we ever wanted. She'll be alive again Spike. She'll be alive, and she'll be able to have a normal life with children and love."  
  
"But she'll do it without me. Thanks Red, I get now why you sped up through that part. Where'd you get this book anyway? I thought Giles didn't have anything useful."  
  
"He doesn't. I got this somewhere else." She was trying not to tell me where the book had come from. It was not a good sign.  
  
"Where'd you get the book Red? It didn't just fall out of the sky."  
  
"Maybe it did, maybe a bird dropped it. How do you know? This is the Hellmouth, anything is possible."  
  
"Willow, don't bullshit me. I've heard enough bloody bullshit from everyone and I would like some bleeding answers!"  
  
"Alright, it wasn't a bird, it was an angel." She averted her eyes and headed to leave the kitchen.  
  
"You brought this to the poof? Why the bloody hell did you get Peaches involved in all this?"  
  
"Spike, he wanted to help. I needed the help. It worked out well. We got the information we wanted. Be happy." It wasn't the information I wanted, I don't know what I wanted to hear, but it wasn't that.  
  
"That's where you've been disappearing to isn't it? LA."  
  
"Yes, I've been in LA. He needed something to do Spike, to help. He loves her, you know that. You should understand, you love her too." She was right; he felt the same way that I did, probably worse. He'd been able to hold her at some point.  
  
"How about I go tell Dawn, Red. Why don't you call the Scoobs? Tell them they can come here. Everyone needs to know. We need to do everything we can now that we know it's going to happen."  
  
"Sure Spike." I headed out of the room and up the stairs. Dawn'll be happy. I guess that's better; I've gotten used to disappointment. 


	4. Chapter 4

"So you'll telling me the Buffster might be alive and well?" Xander asked, tears glistening in the corners of his eyes. Even Anya appeared moved by the new information. She sat silently, with her hands clasped in Xander's, her face towards the ground.  
  
I didn't think that I would even have any more emotions to release, but there were the tears burning behind my eyes.  
  
"She's not Xander. She's still dead. She going to remain dead unless we do something." Willow had gotten the task of explaining it all, and I was only happy that it wasn't me. My voice would most definitely not be able to say those words.  
  
The room was quiet after she said this, no one's eyes meeting, knowing that if we did we would all fall apart.  
  
A lone voice broke the awkward silence. "But Willow, what can we do?" Dawn was sitting on the floor, clutching this sweater of Buffy's that she had been sleeping with. I'd glanced over at her before, and she had had her thumb in her mouth. She shouldn't have to know these things.  
  
"Research. We need the information before we can do anything Dawnie. But it's going to happen. It has to. This book says that it will."  
  
  
  
"Willow is uh, absolutely right. This book, Le Livre Des Assassins, The Book of Slayers, has always been accurate in its prophecies." Giles removed his glasses and wiped them on the edge of his polo. He didn't wear dress shirts anymore. "Did Angel..."  
  
I got up and left the room as soon as his name was mentioned. I didn't want to hear about Angel. I hated him most days. Buffy loved him. He stole Dru. He'd been in the sun again, in whatever god forsaken portal he'd been sucked into. He was always a little bit better than I was, but that little bit gave him it all. She was going to come back, I was sure now, but she was going to be with him. Light and dark. She was pure; he was not. He was the fatherly love, he would be allowed to make love to Buffy again, to bring forth children of his own. He had my dream, and there was no way I was going to get it back.  
  
"Spike?" Dawn had creeped into the room, and when I turned to look at her, I realized I was sitting on Buffy's bed. I hadn't been in here since that night I told her about Captain Cardboard, and I jumped from the afghan- cloaked structure as if it was the sun itself.  
  
"Niblet, what is it?"  
  
"Everyone thinks that we should go to LA. I want to go with them."  
  
"Dawn, you have school. You can't just up and leave to go to another city. If you bloody well think that I'm going to let you..."  
  
"Spike, I don't care if you let me. You're not my father. I know why you're here. You're here for Buffy. She asked you to be here for me, and you feel you don't have a choice. And don't tell me about school, I think getting my sister back is a little more important."  
  
"You're right, you're right. She's more important than anything else is in the world. But I'm not here because of her Dawn. I'm here because of you. I was going to kill myself that night, but you were there, and I love you Dawn. You're the most important thing that I have. I don't know what I'd do without you being here. With Angel being there."  
  
"Than come with us. Angel's not so bad. And it will get her back Spike. It will get her back for us."  
  
"You're wrong Lil' Bit, it will get her back for you." I left her standing there, angry with myself for saying things like that to her, for being mad at her for trying to choose sides in a place she shouldn't even be. I grabbed a suitcase from the hall closet. Who knew how long we'd have to wait in LA? 


	5. Chapter 5

The car was silent; Niblet was just staring at the glass pane of the side window, although not much could be seen through the black layer of protection on top. She sighed. I knew she was anxious. She wanted to be there already, wanted to start on the search that no one knew the length of. "Do you want to put on one of your cassettes luv? I brought some from your room."  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you want to talk?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you want to get something to eat, we could pull over. I put some stuff in the backseat. I know I have..."  
  
She interrupted my rambling. "NO! I don't want to do anything but what I'm doing. Just drive Spike. Don't ask me anymore questions. I don't want anything except to get there. I don't want anything but to get her back." My hand instinctively went to stroke her hair, to right my mistake, but she jerked her head away and glared at me.  
  
"Don't do that. Ever." She unbuckled her belt and climbed into the backseat. She shoved her backpack onto the floor and laid down out my view. It wasn't until then that I heard the tears.  
  
I instantly pulled the car onto the shoulder, nearly hitting a Volvo in the other lane. I turned around to see her face buried in the upholstery, shoulders heaving. "I'm sorry pet." I went to touch her back, but pulled away. I didn't know what I had done.  
  
"She used to do that. Buffy did. She'd always stroke my hair." She said in between sobs.  
  
"Lil Bit, I'm so sorry. Cor, I had no idea." She was still crying, more softly now. "Come here luv." I pulled her into my arms, and she held tightly.  
  
"You're cold." she said into my shoulder, and then giggled a little.  
  
"Thank you for pointing out the obvious. Are you alright." She sniffed and wiped at her face with her hand.  
  
"I'll be ok. Eventually."  
  
There was a knock on the side window, and Willow and Tara could vaguely be made out. I climbed back into the front. "Open the window and see what they want."  
  
"You sure it's ok? I mean, it's the afternoon right now, if you've forgotten."  
  
"Just bloody do it." She rolled down the pane to two worried faces.  
  
"Dawnie, are you alright?" Tara went to move Niblet's hair from her face, and I flinched when she did. She was flushed, with tracks from the seat dug into her face and drops of tears on the front of her shirt.  
  
"I'm ok, just had a moment. Ready and raring to go again." She smiled a false grin with taut lips. Willow reached her hand in to wipe the tears that still clung to her cheeks away.  
  
"Only a few more miles Dawn. It won't be long now." The girls left and Dawn sealed the window.  
  
"Can we put on a CD now?"  
  
"Anything for you. Trust me, I'll do anything for you." 


	6. Chapter 6

Willow had driven us down one random street after another, but they all continued to look the same. An apartment building here, a palm-tree there, an exotic colored house. This is what I remembered about LA, the ambiguity. No one had an identity here. Maybe that's why Angel liked it, he liked being caught in the shuffle.  
  
I glanced over at Dawn; she'd fallen asleep before the third track had even started on her CD, the pop music still flowing through the speakers until a few moments ago. Some of it wasn't that bad. I was turning into a bloody pansy before my very eyes.  
  
Red was slowed down, and pulled into a parking space that someone conveniently just had exited. I cursed under my breath; there were no parking spots in LA. "Lil Bit. We're here. Get out with the rest of them." I whispered, gently rubbing her shoulders.  
  
"Is it still sunny out? Why aren't you coming?" She slurred her words slightly as she stretched, trying to knock the sleep out.  
  
"It's a little sunny luv. I'll be ok. I just need to find a place for the car. Look, they're waiting for you."  
  
She glanced out the window and went to pull the door handle, but turned suddenly and kissed me on the cheek. "Thanks for coming with me Spike. I know you really didn't want to." She sprang from her seat and ran from the double-parked car to the curb.  
  
I sat there grinning like an idiot until a car horn beeped behind me. I'd actually done something right. 


	7. Chapter 7

I'd survived the sunlight on my way from my parking space 3 blocks from the hotel. I'd lived through exchanging pleasantries with people who I'd last seen when I was trying to kill them or maim their friends. I'd persevered through four hours of research. It was true what they said, that you'd do anything for the people you loved. I hated being cliché.  
  
Only Willow and I were left at the large desk at Angel Investigations. All the others had lumbered off to bed hours ago, in need of some respite from the increasingly repetitive text we were discovering and also of some shut- eye. Red had somehow learned to not need either. She hadn't stopped once since we'd begun, her eyes only leaving a book's pages to find another one that might be more useful.  
  
Her bitten fingernails drummed aimlessly on the countertop while she flipped through weathered manuscripts, a teacup prepared for her by Tara sitting forlornly beside a massive pile of documents.  
  
We didn't speak.  
  
The moon was overhead; I could see it through the windows. Dru liked to stare at it, one of her many quirks. She hated that word, quirks, said it was like grasshoppers jumping from someone's lips. I thought about her then, if it were Dru who had died, would I spend every waking moment trying to get her back? I still loved her, that would never change, but we'd changed, we'd moved on. I decided that I wouldn't, it was probably for the best that way. No more college coeds in love getting eaten while they were snogging one another.  
  
Red's voice interrupted my rambling thoughts, as she tried to be quiet and yelp in delight at the same time. "I found something, this might actually work. Goddess, we're so close if this works out like it's supposed to."  
  
"What did you find? What is it?" I leaped off the counter and was beside her in an instant, breathing quickly although it wasn't necessary.  
  
"It's a spell. This spell could help us so much. Would you mind me using it on you?"  
  
"Red, just tell me what to do and I'll do it, bloody hell, I don't care."  
  
"I have to put you to sleep, we'll need some roots and a few herbs, I have them in my bag. The spell will make you see Buffy. It should help us."  
  
"Witch, I don't need no damn spell to see her, she's in my bleeding head every night anyway."  
  
"This spell will help locate her though Spike, and show her how she is now, not as a picture your subconscious thew together. You have to be completely focused right before I put you to sleep for this to work." She started digging through her purse, pulling out various vials and bottles. She'd come prepared.  
  
She grabbed an empty mug from under the counter and began pouring in some brown powder with a bright green liquid. The stuff smelled like detergent, and a light mist drifted over the cup's rim. She was chanting in Latin, words I should know how to translate, but my brain couldn't process them at the moment. The haze was moving closer to me, and I began to yawn, which didn't make much sense, I didn't need to yawn. Why was she fading away, where was the light going? It was so warm and nice, but I can't tell temperature. It's quiet here.  
  
My mind clicked back together while I was stumbling through darkness, which was strange, because I could see without lights normally. Suddenly, there was a flash, a burst of blue flame that was neither hot nor cold. It filled my entire vision, and when it finally fell, there she was, there was Buffy in the middle of this cerulean fire.  
  
She had this long, dress on, with belled sleeves and a low neck. She looked stunning, but not like herself. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, this mirage; it couldn't be real, in front of me.  
  
I wondered if it hurt her, the flame. I screamed out to her, asking if it burned her, and she started to giggle. While she was laughing, she tossed her head back and when it fell back again into view, there were tears of blood staining her cheeks.  
  
I looked away from her face, moving my eyes to anywhere but that awful vision. My eyes drifted to her throat where a cross hung, green arms with a ruby in the middle binding them together from a silver chain. Her arm had an upside down J embroidered into the sleeve in deep red. I couldn't tell if it was blood.  
  
She started calling my name, and I wanted to run to her through the azure inferno that continued to lick at her body, but it wouldn't let me. She was fading away, and it wasn't until I opened my eyes that I realized it was Willow's voice calling to me. 


	8. Chapter 8

"What did you see?" Red was staring at me. "Well?"  
  
I stumbled up from the table wondering where I had left my duster. I needed the flask out of the left pocket. I didn't carry bourbon anymore; I'd forgotten what I had put in its place.  
  
My eyes were flaming and if I were human I would have already vomited all over the front of my self. But we vampires weren't supposed to do that, no stomach ailments for people who don't use their stomach. But then again we weren't supposed to feel loss either, no heartache for people who don't use their hearts.  
  
I slowly climbed the stairs, grasping the handrail with already white knuckles. My footsteps were heavy, and I ignored Willow's voice that still seemed to be following me.  
  
How had Buffy wound up someplace like that while I was still here? She only fought for good, and she was forced to spend the past weeks in those flames. Or was it longer there, had eternities passed while she cried tears of blood. Why wasn't I there to lick her tears away? The bile rose in my throat as I realized how repulsive that sounded.  
  
Second door on the left, room 153, the room Angel had told me was for my stay. Ironic wasn't it; she was dead for 153 days. I wonder if he knew. If he too marked the days down as a little tally on the wall.  
  
I opened the door, and there was Dawn, leaning out my window over the courtyard with a Marlboro in her hand. "What the bloody fucking hell are you doing? Give me that." I ripped the cigarette from her hand, and turned taking a puff before stubbing it out on the bottom of my shoe. "Where did you even get this from?"  
  
"There's a carton over on the dresser, I guess Angel left them for you. I didn't think you'd mind if I had one."  
  
"I damn well do. God Dawn, this isn't stuff to get involved with."  
  
"I know, I don't know why I did it. I couldn't sleep, so I came in, but you weren't here. I wasn't going to smoke it; I just wanted it, a comfort thing. They smell like you."  
  
"I was right downstairs luv. Swear to me, never again will I see you with one of these things." She looked away, and I grabbed her chin, pulling her face towards me. "Swear to me Dawn, or this is done. If I can't trust you, I can't let you know anything else about Buffy."  
  
"I swear."  
  
I snatched my duster off of the bed, and pulled the silver flask out. I swigged it down fast once, wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, and then chugged a few gulps. It wasn't working like it was supposed to.  
  
"What is it anyway?"  
  
"It's alcohol Niblet, I don't bloody know what it is, but it's weak"  
  
"Can I have some?"  
  
"What? Did we not just have a discussion about getting involved in things you shouldn't?"  
  
"I was kidding, you looked upset. I wanted to make you laugh. It feels better to laugh when your upset, it stops you from crying."  
  
"Sometimes it makes you cry red."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"I wish I bloody knew." 


	9. Chapter 9

I strolled away from the bed flicking my sixth fag out of the window, pacing back and forth along the wooden floorboards rather than sitting back down. The latter worked as well as the previous, I still couldn't calm down. 6 cigarettes, 1 flask of vodka, 2 packets of blood that tasted like scum, and 1 long conversation trying to show Dawn that I was fine. She didn't believe me. I was still trying to figure out if it was the chain smoking or the shaking that was misleading her.  
  
"Spike?" a voice whispered from the doorway. Red.  
  
"What do you want." My words sounded slightly slurred and they shouldn't have. Wasn't even near 1 bottle's worth of liquor in that stupid thing.  
  
"Is this what you came up here to do? Get plastered?"  
  
"Keep your voice down pet. People are trying to sleep." I turned from her, looking for where I had placed the carton of cigarettes.  
  
"What did you see Spike?" I didn't turn around. I couldn't tell her about it. No one was supposed to have seen Buffy like that, so lost. "Spike, what did you see in the vision?"  
  
I felt a force; it twisted me around until I was staring into her eyes, but the eyes weren't eyes. There were only onyx orbs glaring at me. "You have to tell me what you saw. I can not stand being so close to getting her back to lose her again. If you make me go through that I will kill you myself, regardless of how much Dawn would miss you. So tell me Spike, what picture did you get?"  
  
"Alright, alright. Make your eyes stop going all odd like that." She blinked and the black was again replaced with normal gray. "She was in a fire."  
  
"Goddess no, she's in hell. How did this happen? She's not supposed to be in hell." She was sputtering. She hadn't sputtered since years ago. The lost years as I refer to them now.  
  
"It was blue though, not fire fire. Kinda like propane, but more natural looking. She was in the middle of it. Black dress on, long, bell shaped sleeves." The low cut didn't need to be mentioned. "A cross too, she was wearing this cross. Green arms red center. Looked like a gem. Oh, and on a sleeve, there was an upside down J in red."  
  
"Good, this is all good, I think anyway. Can simplify what needs to be researched. Anything else? Could you see her face, or did you just know it was her." Her face marred by rivulets of blood. Slowly dripping. Downwards. I didn't want to tell her, it was too horrible. But she was right; she would kill me for Buffy. I would kill her for Buffy. We would kill ourselves for Buffy.  
  
"She was crying blood. First she was laughing, and then all of these bloody drops were falling out of her eyes. They were all over her cheeks Red. I don't know what it means."  
  
She was hugging me, why was she doing this. It wasn't until she started rubbing her fingers over my cheekbones that I realized I was sobbing. "We'll figure it out Spike, we have to."  
  
"Yea, we definitely do." 


	10. Chapter 10

All of the Scoobies were up and about. I could hear them walking around downstairs, opening books, talking back and forth, but I wouldn't go down there. Wasn't really sure of how much of a help I was sitting by the window, but it was what I needed just then. Someone knocked on the doorframe, quietly. "Red get out of here. I told you all that I know. I don't want to go through it again."  
  
"It's not Red." I swirled around to the male's voice. Angel. How bloody fantastic. "Thought you would have noticed the lack of a heartbeat. Slipping in your old age are we?"  
  
"Bugger off. Don't pay much attention to the hearts anymore. Can't make any use of them anyway. What did you want?"  
  
"Figured you could use some company."  
  
"Isn't that hospitable of you. Why are you really up here?"  
  
"Actually, not feeling much like dealing with the togetherness of everyone right now. I'm not that great with the research either."  
  
"Glad to know you care Peaches. Care for a drink?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"You're going to have to get us some then."  
  
------------  
  
Hours and bottles past, grandsire and I were still sitting in room 153. "And so she's trying to get me out of the house, and she tells me to go hit on Giles. Can you believe it? Hit on him. She meant hit up. You should have seen her face after she said it." I started to laugh a little too loudly for how funny it wasn't. I stopped suddenly, mid chuckle. "God I miss her."  
  
Angel stumbled over to me, he was never really one who could hide that he'd been drinking, and tapped me on the back. "I do too. You at least got to see her, you know, before she."  
  
"She died, don't pussyfoot around the truth. Lucky me. Got to watch her fall when I was supposed to be protecting Dawn. It's my fault what happened. One hit and I'm down, and she had to jump into that thing to save the world."  
  
"She killed me to save the world."  
  
"Always have to top me don't you?"  
  
"You're a wonderful demon to try to top."  
  
"You always were so much bloody nicer when you were drunk." I looked at him, eyes a little bloodshot, hair disheveled, slight smell of liquor on his breath. He had bags under his eyes. He couldn't sleep either. "What are we doing here anyway?"  
  
"Trading stories about a woman we loved."  
  
He didn't say I, he knew that I loved her too. "No, love. A woman we love. You can never stop loving that girl."  
  
He glanced up at me. "You're right. You're absolutely right. What do you want Cordy?" The girl was standing uncertainly at the door.  
  
"Vision fun for me. It was Buffy, I saw the same thing that Spike described. By the way, I'm sorry you had to go through it too, especially since you love her and all."  
  
"Still queen of the tact." I was looking at her, and realized she had changed from the last time I had seen her. She was an adult now.  
  
"Would rather be queen in general, but alternate dimensions aren't meant for me." I was really drunk, I must have been, and she had stopped making any sense.  
  
"Spike, don't worry about it. Long story." Angel was standing up, trying to sweep a bottle under the bed with his foot.  
  
"Not that long, I was a queen in an alternate dimension. Besides the vision, Willow found something, and she's working on the spell now. Thought you'd like to be there if it worked. Oh, and don't try the tequila under the bed trick, we use to pull that in high school."  
  
"Thanks Cordy." Angel headed towards the door. "You coming?"  
  
"One sec." After his footsteps faded away, I bent to my knees. "Somebody up there protect her, and help us to get her back." I closed my eyes, and painfully tried to cross myself.  
  
A flash erupted, and I could have sworn I combusted from attempting to draw a cross on my skin, but it didn't hurt like fire. I lifted my lashes. "Oh my God, Buffy." 


	11. Chapter 11

She was there, looked like in the flesh too. I reached out to touch her, and she flinched away, her eyes nervously darting around the room. "Shhh luv, it's alright. I won't hurt you." I realize then that she probably doesn't care what seeing her is doing to me. How I want to die with the sheer joy of simply looking at her again and how I will die if I've simply passed out from too much alcohol flowing in my veins.  
  
"Where am I?" She was whispering. I'd never thought of Buffy as the whispering type.  
  
"You're in LA, in a hotel actually." Her eyes are still flickering all over the room, and she's crossed her arms. She doesn't want me to come near her.  
  
"Is this Angel's hotel?" Straight onto the poof isn't that always the way.  
  
"Yea Buffy, this is his hotel."  
  
Her eyes finally stop flopping all around the room, and settle upon my own. "You're drunk." She's going to giggle; I can feel it. She's going to laugh, and then the bloody tears are going to leak out all over her face, and I'm going to wake up bathed in my own sorrow. This can't be another dream. I can't handle another dream. "I missed you Spike." Her body crumples onto the floor.  
  
I was wrong, dreams I could handle. I'm shaking her, the girl who a moment ago was talking to me. The dead girl. She's not dead again. She's warm, and breathing, and her blood is moving, but I'm terrified. "Buffy, God Buffy you have to wake up. Come on Precious." 


	12. Chapter 12

"Who's Precious?" Her eyes were flickering again. I'd forgotten how disorienting being reborn was.  
  
"Nothing luv." I started stroking her hair, and she was letting me. She let me move her head into my lap and cradle it there. Maybe she wasn't reborn, maybe I had died.  
  
"You called me Precious."  
  
"I'm sorry, it just slipped out Buff." I moved my hands, so she could pull away if she wanted. Forceful wasn't the best way to be right now in my opinion.  
  
She reached out, trying to grab my hands, but not really making contact. She wanted my hands back. Cor, I must have died, this was not happening. "Don't be sorry. I like it. What's going on? How did I get here?"  
  
"The floor? You fell luv." I smirked. I could feel it on my face, that little half smile that hadn't made an appearance in so long. She glared at me a little. "I don't know Buffy, you were just poof. Here. Do you remember anything? Stuff that happened?"  
  
"Only that I missed being here. It was so weird, I saw you. You were wherever I was. It was the first time that I felt safe. I actually laughed. Something wiggy happened after I did, but that was ok. It didn't hurt. I don't really know what happened."  
  
"Probably better that way. Wasn't the most pleasant thing to see."  
  
"I felt that it hurt you. And that you missed me." Her eyes were beginning to droop again, her breathing slowing down ever so slightly. "And that you loved me. Thank you for loving me."  
  
I didn't know how to respond to that. You're welcome didn't seem to fit. I gazed at her, my Slayer. I was kidding myself though. She wasn't mine.  
  
I swept all of the debris off of my comforter and laid her down on top of the bed. She whimpered quietly after I let go, so I took her hand and leaned down to kiss her forehead. I sat by the bed, holding her hand, because if I moved, I was worried that she'd disappear. I'd lost her once; I couldn't let it happen again. 


	13. Chapter 13

I woke up with a massive headache, and was kicking myself for drinking so much and having bloody dreams where Buffy was back when I sensed someone breathing in the bed next to me. I thought at first that it was Dawn, she sometimes snuck into bed with me if she couldn't sleep, but it was Buffy. It wasn't a dream. I stumbled from the room, the floor slightly tilting as I tried to find the door. "Lil' Bit! Red! Anyone!" I was screaming into the empty hallways of the hotel.  
  
"Spike?" Xander was standing facing me from down the corridor. His voice was sleep filled and the buttons on his nightshirt were done-up a little crooked. "What's going on? Go back to sleep Chip boy. You're going to wake everyone up."  
  
"It's her. It's Buffy. She's in my room." I was staggering towards him. His eyes showed it. He didn't believe me.  
  
"Xander? Who's out there?" Anya's voice was coming from the closed door that he was leaning against.  
  
"Go back to sleep. He thinks that Buffy's in his room." The whelp went to reenter his sleeping quarters when her voice again made an appearance.  
  
"Maybe the spell worked. Willow said that if it worked she would appear to the person who." He slammed the door on her.  
  
"What is she bloody talking about?"  
  
"Nothing, come on. Are you sure that you're not just drunk? Cordy told us what you two undeads were going at tonight."  
  
"She's there. She's back. I know."  
  
"We have to wake everyone up."  
  
"I believe that is what you were accusing me of doing before."  
  
"If you're simply being insane though, this is all your idea, not mine."  
  
"Would you shut up. I'm not being insane." I was about to knock on someone else's door, when Willow's voice came from the other end of the hall.  
  
"Would you both please shut up. Some people are trying to get some rest." She'd been crying. I could tell. She felt defeated.  
  
"Red, don't be sad. It worked. It really worked. She's in my room. I swear Red, you did it." She ran to the door that I'd left open and tripping over her slippers in her haste.  
  
"Oh Goddess! Spike, she's, oh, she's." It sounded as though she'd forgotten how to breathe. I knew that feeling.  
  
"Alive?" Xander galloped down to stand next to Red in the archway. "He was right?"  
  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence. Which room is the Niblet in. She has to know." Neither of them responded. They stood there stupefied, not moving further into the room, or backing away from it. "Both of you are tons of help. Lil' Bit!" I was yelling again and I think everyone else in the hotel had come out before Dawn.  
  
"Spike, why are you screaming my name?"  
  
"Niblet, I have to talk to you."  
  
"It's like 4 in the morning. You woke up everyone else who's here. What's so important?"  
  
"Buffy." She slammed the door in my face. So I stood there knocking on it. "Let me in Dawn. I swear. She's in my room. Willow saw her, Xander too. The spell worked, it must have. That's the only way to explain it."  
  
"She came to you first?"  
  
"I'm guessing now Niblet, but yea, she was just there suddenly, in my room. By the window, standing in the moonlight. Come on out and see her."  
  
She opened the door a fraction of an inch. "You're sure that it's her, that it's really Buffy. That the robot didn't find its way back or something equally weird."  
  
"It's her Bit, it's really your Big Sis." She pulled on the knob, revealing herself to me for only a moment before she bounded down the foyer and pushed past the two standing in he archway. They just stood there, completely still and let her.  
  
She was shaking the girl in the bed, a little too roughly for my liking, but I could understand her impatience. "Buffy! Buffy wake up!" Buffy's eyes flickered open sluggishly, but she sat upright in bed with the utmost of speed.  
  
"Dawn! Oh my God Dawn, I missed you so much." She pulled the girl into her arms while Dawn started to sob.  
  
"Buffy, I thought the spell didn't work. I thought that you didn't love me because." Willow ran into the room, suddenly snapped out of her catatonic state by Niblet's words, and put her arms quickly around the other two.  
  
"I'm so happy you're back. It worked, we have Spike and Cordy to thank, their visions helped."  
  
"Can you believe it Buff, those two together are worth a little something in the scheme of things." Xander came and sat down on the bed. My bed. Insults me and then uses my possessions.  
  
"Don't say that, they're important." I smiled at her a little and she didn't glance away. "So where is everybody else? I want to hear about everything that I missed." I drifted away from the room, figured she could use a little time with the others.  
  
I found myself in front of Angel's doorway, and knocked softly. "Mate, go down to room 153, I think you left something there." I drifted down the steps and onto the dark streets of LA. I had time before the sun rose. And anyway, she was going to be there when I got back. 


	14. Chapter 14

It scared me a little bit, going back, but I didn't have much choice. The air was getting that feel to it, the feeling of morning and new chances. The sun would rise soon and no matter what was disquieting me it was going to. If it hadn't stopped when she died, this was surely not important enough, my miniscule insecurities.  
  
She was most likely back in Angel's arms with the Scoobies looking on with those dazed expressions on their faces. But I couldn't complain; she was his first, hell she had never been mine anyway. But I loved her, loved everything that made her that witty, shining girl. Another fear surfaced, would she be that same girl. Being dead changed people, I should know.  
  
Stepping foot inside the doors into the empty lobby I could already hear laughter. Not even back 24 hours yet and she had them smiling again. Selfishly I felt my anger swell within my chest as I remembered the time I had gotten to be with her all by myself. It was sickening, knowing that it was wrong and not being able to control it. A lot of things made me feel like that recently.  
  
Heavy footsteps were echoing through the hollow expanse I was standing in. Angel's. "She still upstairs?" My voice more hopeful than I wanted it to be, words such as have you already taken her away being left unsaid.  
  
"She's still in your room. Too tired to get up I think."  
  
"Being dead'll do that to you. Speaking of, how many girlfriends do you plan on having come back from the grave?"  
  
"Ex-girlfriends." I tried very hard not to smile as he spoke the words. She wasn't his again, not yet anyway. "She's been asking for you." I couldn't help it, and the little grin pushed my lips apart. "Thanks for what you did this morning. I appreciate it."  
  
"Least I could do. Put me up in your house, bought me some fags. A lot of drinks." Didn't steal the girl I'm in love with. The knot in my stomach loosened slowly and melted away. I didn't have to be afraid.  
  
He glanced over at me, picking his eyes up from the floor. "What do you know about the spell Spike?"  
  
"What's with the topic change?"  
  
He sighed. "Just tell me, what do you know about the spell."  
  
"That Red did it and that now Buffy's back. Why?"  
  
"Nothing, forget I asked."  
  
"Twice. No really, what is it. Can't tell your grandchilde? No secrets among family."  
  
"Don't worry about it, just a question." He walked away into one of the back rooms, and I merely stood and watched him go. The sinking in my stomach came back, stronger than before.  
  
I turned towards the window. Tiny little fingers of light were slowly slinking in. Nope my fear wouldn't stop the sun. 


	15. Chapter 15

"Buff? You up?" I lightly knocked on the closed door, waiting for permission to enter, even though this was one time I didn't need it.  
  
"I'm awake, haven't tried the whole being up thing again. You can come in, the door's open." She was still in the bed; this time only sitting on top of the blankets, wearing some clothes didn't seem to fit her thin frame well. She was pale.  
  
"This new girl, Fred I think, thought that maybe you'd want something to eat. Not really sure what it is exactly." I held out the serving tray. "Care to try?"  
  
"Sure. Not eating for like five months can build up an appetite." She motioned me closer. "Why don't you come sit here and talk to me?" I was dumbfounded; she wanted me sitting next to her. On a bed. A bed we had slept in. Together. At the same time. "Are you or aren't you?"  
  
"Yes, yes. Of course." You can do this Spike; you can function like this doesn't give you so much hope you could be crushed under the sheer weight of it. I placed the tray down on top of her lap, and she casually began to nibble on it.  
  
"You didn't bring anything for yourself?"  
  
"Nah, didn't think it would be quite the right time."  
  
"If you're hungry you can eat too."  
  
"I'm fine Buffy." I needed to change the subject away from me. "What happened while I was gone?"  
  
"I got to talk to everyone. Tired me out a little, but I missed everyone so much." Her voice got quieter as she fiddled with a piece of bread. "It's different now isn't it? Then before? Dawn seems so adult and yet so small at the same time. And Giles."  
  
"What about him?" She looked down, away from me, and I wanted to go back just a little. She'd paused for a reason.  
  
"He, well he showed me his Watcher's Diary. More specifically the entry he wrote when I died. I failed him I think. He told me that I didn't, but Giles would never come out and say it if I had."  
  
"Luv, you didn't fail anyone. He was proud of you. You did what you had to do. If anyone failed that night it was me. I was supposed to protect you. Protect Dawn."  
  
"You did the best that you could. But I didn't do what I was supposed to. Dying was not something I was supposed to do. Not again. Not yet. I was simply supposed to throw my sister off into that hole. It wasn't me that was intended to die."  
  
"Everyone is supposed to die at some point, it's in the cards." I felt like I was lying to her, even though it was somewhat true. We all died; some of us just didn't leave.  
  
She looked me in the eyes and began speaking much louder than before. "How many times should I be allowed to die Spike? How many hands will I keep being dealt? I folded that night. I threw my crappy pair of twos onto the table and walked away. But the dealer ignored that, didn't he? Pulled me back, handed me some chips and a full house and told me to take another try at it. It feels like cheating. What made me deserving enough to have this third chance? Nobody else got another round to play. Why should I?" She started to cry softly and I instinctively went to wipe her cheeks with my thumb. She didn't want to be back. This wasn't what she had wished for. It was only what we had.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let Willow do this to you. I'm sorry for anything that's hurt you. Including me. I'm mostly sorry for me. I should have stopped her. Shouldn't have let her suck me into it."  
  
"Don't be sorry. I, I just don't know. It's so good and wonderful at the same time as being so bad and horrible. I never thought that anything would be the same after that night. I'd never see anyone I knew. I'd never finish school. I'd never get married. I'd never have children. I'd never even get to eat a stupid ice cream cone ever again. And it was terrifying to think about, losing everything that I could have had. But, it felt right somehow. Like I'd done the thing that was needed, regardless of what I'd thought was going to happen when I climbed up that tower. I'm happy I'm back Spike, don't doubt that. I'm truly happy that I get this other opportunity to try again, to do the things that I should have done before. No regrets the next time. Don't tell anyone else about this yet. I want to, maybe. I'm not sure yet. But I want it to be me, when the time comes."  
  
She only wanted me to know. She had chosen me. I stroked her hair. It was so soft. She yawned, and I saw her attempting to shake the wave of tiredness off of her. I stood to leave. "I'll leave the food in here. Rest some more. This must have tired you out."  
  
"Don't go just yet, please. I have a question. What did you do on the night that I died?"  
  
"Oh Buf, I don't think that this is a story for right now. I don't think this is a story for ever actually."  
  
"I want to know. Please?" She knew I couldn't resist. She knew that I'd do anything if she asked, even things I swore would never happen. She knew me too well.  
  
"I went and got drunk with Xander. Are you happy? We sat in this crappy dive somewhere and just drank. We didn't talk, or even look at each other. But we were both there together. Two lost drunken fools.  
  
"He stayed there with me until Anya came and took him home. She asked me if I wanted to go with. But no. I wanted to kill him for having her, not accept an invite for a walk back to my crypt. I stayed until I was thrown out. And it was then when I was going to start my new hobby of sunbathing, but Niblet's voice just kept floating around in my head. So I went home to her. Tucked her in her bed and sat on the floor next to it as she sobbed. I cried too. Worst night of my life. Why don't you get some sleep Slayer? I'll be back later." I got up off of the bed and moved out into the hallway.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Yes luv?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For being there for her. For me."  
  
"I'll always be there. Today and everyday after. I love Dawn. I love you Buffy." But her eyes had already closed, I doubt she heard me. I quietly latched the door behind me, and I could have sworn she was talking about me in her sleep, but that might have just been my imagination. 


	16. Chapter 16

"I think we should be heading back to Sunnydale shortly. Now that things have gone smoothly. I don't think we need to inconvenience Angel anymore." Giles removed his glasses and wiped them off with his handkerchief.  
  
I for one was ecstatic. I wanted to get as far away from Angel and his possessive hands as I could. "When do we leave?"  
  
"Whenever she's ready? Her own room and all that stuff. I think it'll really help her." Dawn was squirming in her seat at the end of the table, rolling a pen along the smooth surface.  
  
"I'm ready." Buffy hovered above, very unsteadily at the top of the stairs. Her knees were rattling, but I doubted anyone else could hear them. She stumbled a little as she tried the stairs, and held firmly to the banister for balance, knuckles glaringly white. Tiny beads of sweat began to sprout upon her brow.  
  
"Are you sure luv? I would have figured you'd want to stay here a little longer." I wanted to get up and help her, but that wasn't Buffy's way. At least not the old Buffy.  
  
"I'm sure. I need to go home. We all need to go home." Her lips were quaking. "I want to leave tonight. Right now if we can."  
  
"Are you sure, that that's uh wise Buffy? You were, well you were."  
  
"I was dead Giles, but I'm not anymore. And I'm doing alright I think." As she said the words, her left foot gave way, and she lurched down quickly with her right to avoid rolling downwards.  
  
Xander ran from his seat, and went to assist her down the last couple of steps, but she shooed him away with her free hand. "Let me prove to myself I don't need help, please Xand?" I grinned a little. Still was able to predict her next move.  
  
"Whatever you say Buff, but."  
  
"No buts. I'll do it if it has to be done. Buffy's motto." She did make it the rest of the way by herself, her barefoot feet carefully feeling their way across the cool marble. "How quickly can we get packed?" She doesn't really wait for an answer, as she stops noticing anyone else standing around her. She looks a little peaked.  
  
It was a little odd, how quickly she wanted to leave the hotel, with that determination in her eyes of doing just that. Not as though she needed it, no one ever says no to Buffy.  
  
"An hour tops. I'm ready to go. What about the rest of you?" Willow asked. Giles' nodded, but the others quickly went to push themselves away from the table and out of chairs. "Dawn, why don't you go put your stuff together. Xander, Anya, you guys can make it quick right?" Everyone headed upstairs, except for Buffy and me.  
  
One of those awkward silences I've grown to know so well floats delicately to encase the two of us. She fidgets; her hands toying with her hair and her weight shifting back and forth from foot to foot. She's not looking at me, or anything it seems, her eyes slowly meandering about the mostly empty room.  
  
"I like your skirt Buffy." Her fingers stroke the fabric, green and long, but she doesn't respond in any other way. Her eyes continue their unfocused spiral. It appears that maybe she's sleeping, or that she's drifted off someplace else. "What's with the whole Lady Macbeth act luv? Going to invoke some darkness, or ask to be unsexed, cause personally I wouldn't mind, but the whole comatose thing is getting a little odd."  
  
I figured she'd laugh, or grant me a puzzled look, but she doesn't seem to even notice that I'm talking to her. Or that I'm there. I try again, hoping that she'll snap out of whatever's wrong with her. "What's with the rush to get out of here Slayer? Figured we'd hang around here a little longer than this. Quality time with some loved ones."  
  
Something flickers behind her lids, and I stop speaking. Stop ruining it for myself. Not that it really matters, if it helps her, I'd shove her into Angel's bed myself. It's all for her, everything I do now is.  
  
I run my fingers through my hair, undoing a good five minutes of combing. The silence returns more noticeable and oppressive than before.  
  
She stops moving entirely, eyes gazing straight ahead, joints locked, one arm slightly higher than the other. "Buffy?"  
  
I move closer to where she is standing; my hand about to touch her when a tiny yelp rips through the air, her body tumbling downwards, limbs all astray across the tile floor. Tears stream down her face unnoticed as she pounds the ground with wayward feet and hands. It stops as suddenly as it started her muscles relaxing as she slowly starts to slip out of the trance. She's still whimpering as I bend down to stroke back her hair.  
  
"No, no, no. Don't take me back. No. Can't do it again. Please, no. No. No." She grabs onto me and pulls herself closer to my chest. "Don't let it. Don't let it be dark."  
  
"Never luv. I swear." We sit there on the floor rocking back and forth, and even though I can feel Willow watching us from upstairs, she doesn't come down. She leaves us there, and I'll have to remember to thank her later. 


	17. Chapter 17

"I'm sorry, about before." She was leaning against the headrest of her seat as I drove, Dawn once again dozing in the back seat.  
  
"Daymare luv. Nothing more than that. Don't need to apologize."  
  
"A daymare?"  
  
"Nightmare during the day. Little vampire joke, humor me."  
  
"I don't think I informed you since I've been back, but you're just as weird as before."  
  
"Happy to hear that your feelings for me have remained constant."  
  
"About that."  
  
"Are we almost there?" Niblet's head popped up in the rearview mirror.  
  
"In a little while." Buffy turned, and began playing with some wisps of the Bit's hair. "Go back to sleep." The young face once again disappeared behind the leather seats.  
  
"What were you saying Buffy?"  
  
"Nothing that important. Passing thought."  
  
"There seem to be a lot of those going around recently."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Every time I start a conversation with anyone they get all cryptic and say it's not that important, or I get cutoff and the person pretends not to remember."  
  
"When did that happen?"  
  
"Been happening since you've been back. Bloody irritating. So why don't you just tell me what you were thinking about, because it's obviously something."  
  
"My feelings for you have changed Spike. There, I said it, are you happy?"  
  
Not really, but I locked my jaw and kept looking straight ahead at the road. "Yes, that's all I want, the truth."  
  
"You're mad at me now." She's sulking over there, all by herself with a little pout. God she looks hot.  
  
"Why would I be mad at you for having feelings Buffy? I know how you feel about me, I know that you'll never love me."  
  
"How do you know all this?"  
  
"It's right there, anyone can see it."  
  
"Than you're delusional."  
  
"What are you talking about I'm delusional?"  
  
"No one told you did they, about the spell?"  
  
"Why do you all keep asking these same bleeding questions? No, I know nothing about the spell. I didn't hear what Anya said or Dawn or Angel or anyone, ok? I know nothing."  
  
"Willow never told you?" She's perplexed, this is never good.  
  
"I think the I know nothing covered it. Look, can we please change the topic? Anything but this."  
  
"Fine." The car gets quiet and I fiddle with the tuner trying to get something other than static on the radio. She's not asleep but I have the feeling she wants me to think that she is. I think I may have hurt the princess' feelings. And it hurts me too.  
  
"I'm sorry luv." There's no answer, and I sigh angrily in frustration. She doesn't move. "What do you want me to say?"  
  
"Nothing alright. Can you just listen to me?"  
  
"Of course I can."  
  
"Doesn't look like it. You know what I wanted to tell you, about the spell? The way it was set up I was supposed to appear first to the person I felt the most connected with. Who I had the most love for."  
  
"And you came to me?" My fingers curled tighter around the wheel.  
  
"Well, yea. You were there. Remember?"  
  
"But how?"  
  
"I could sense things when I was there, things that were still going on here. I knew that you prayed that night, right before I came. And that it must have hurt. I could feel people's emotions too, and Dawn was happiest when she was with you. And I guess I just because happiest with you too."  
  
"Just poof, like that."  
  
"Love isn't just poof. It's lots of little poofs along the way."  
  
"So I accumulated enough poofs than?"  
  
"You did, I guess." The hardness in my face softened for a moment and I smiled. But another nagging thought popped into my head.  
  
"And you're telling me that everyone knew about this except for me?"  
  
"To put it simply, yea."  
  
"They believe it?"  
  
"I think they're trying to figure out how it could have gotten messed up, but I believe it."  
  
"I'm glad luv." She laid her head down on my shoulder. She curled herself up a little more, and dozed off. "I'm really glad." 


End file.
